If Katniss hadn't volunteered
by SilenaChase
Summary: This is a fan fiction based on what would've happened if Katniss hadn't volunteered. I've posted this on my deviantART and got lots of positive feedback, so hopefully I'll get that here too
1. Chapter 1

IF KATNISS HADN'T VOLUNTEERED

It won't be me I keep reminding myself. I have one slip of paper out of thousands. It won't be me.

"Ladies first!" Effie walks toward the big glass ball with the girls names. She reaches deeply into the ball and grasps a single sheet of paper. She crosses back to the podium.

Effie starts walking slowly back to the podium, where she smoothes the piece of paper. She reads out in a clear voice: "Primrose Everdeen".

No. It can't be, I had one slip of paper… This can't be happening. Everyone's looking at me, and I take a step out of the crowd, and I'm surrounded by peacekeepers that escort me up. I take one step at a time, slowly heading in the direction of the stage.

"So," Effie takes a quick look at her paper, "Primrose how old are you?" I take a deep breath and I see myself on the screens, I'm paler than usual, and I look terrified, and my eyes are filled with water. I breathe out. And breathe again before answering, "I'm twelve."

"Well you'll definitely be a pleasure to work with," Effie says happily. I force out the best smile I have to give her.

"An applause for the female tribute from District 12 for the 74th annual hunger games: Primrose Everdeen." Silence. Everyone's quiet. No one ever thinks it's fair when a twelve year old is reaped. That's why District 12 is always aired first, so that the Capitol citizens will forget about the district that doesn't bother to do as they're told. Effie seemed to have expected applause, but she quickly gets back to herself and continues.

"And now for the boys," she walks other to the other side of the stage, to the boys' glass ball. She does just like she did before she reaches deeply into the ball and pulls out a single sheet of paper. She walks back to the middle of the stage, and speaks into the microphone.

"Peeta Mellark," she announces. The baker's boy, or one of them anyway. Peeta that's the youngest one of them, or so I think.

He looks just like me except for the age and gender. He has the blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin, like everyone else from the merchant area of District 12. I have that from my mother, she used to work in the apothecary shop. But that was before she met my father. My father was from the Seam the biggest part of District 12, where the poor and unsuccessful lived, mostly miners. I don't remember much about him; he died when I was younger. My mother gave up everything for my father. And when he died in a mining accident she was broken, and she still hasn't fully recovered. My sister took over as head of the family, and has brought us food ever since she learnt to hunt properly. But the times before she turned twelve and could take out tessera were extra awful, and at times we almost starved. And one of these times Peeta helped us, or sort of… he tossed two burnt bread in Katniss' direction, something that may have saved us. Or that's what Katniss told me, I try to forget about those times. All it does is bring back painful memories.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the District 12 tributes for the 74th annual hunger games: Primrose Everdeen and Peeta Mellark," Effie cheers. I turn and shake Peeta's hand. He looks at me briefly, and in those seconds I can see the pain in his eyes. My eyes get filled with water, I hate seeing someone in pain, especially when I know I can't help them. That's why I help, or helped my mom with healing, I loved to help and save people, but I know I won't be able to save Peeta from his misery.

The cameras are shut off, and peacekeepers enter the stage and escort us into the Justice building where we're aloud to have visitors. I sit on the sofa in silence, in what seems like forever. It gives me time to think about what is going to happen now.

When someone finally comes in it's my mother and Katniss. Katniss runs and hugs me: "I'm sorry I should've volunteered. I don't know… I was in shock."

"It's not your fault. If you would've volunteered mom and I would both die of starvation anyway," I excuse her. I don't want her to feel guilty it's not her fault these stupid games exist.

"But I swore to protect you. I promised everything would be fine, remember?" she worries.

"And everything will be… for you and mom," I cry out. The tears are streaming on right now. I want to stay strong, but I can't. It's too much for a twelve-year-old girl.

"It shouldn't have been you, you had one slip of paper out of thousands," she continues. I don't want her to talk about this it's not going to change anything. I'll still be going to the arena where I'll have to fight for my life or be pulled out like weed by the Careers. And everyone knows I'm not much of a fighter.

"I guess the odds just weren't in my favor," I say attempting to joke, but failing because this seems to make Katniss angry.

"I bet they set this sort of stuff up. You weren't supposed to be reaped at all. They made sure you were reaped," she continues.

"Who?" I ask, because it gets my attention.

"The Capitol," my mother and Katniss say at the same time. It's frightening, they're exact opposites, but still they seem to agree on this one thing.

"Well it's not helping anyone to be mad at them," I say. "End of story. Now can I get a goodbye and good luck, and a I hope your death isn't too painful?" I ask. I'm tired of they're Capitol discussion, I don't want to hear it.

"You can do it, you really can," Katniss encourages. I look at my mother, but she's staring at the floor. She knows as well as me that I can't win this.

"Make an alliance, hide, find edible plants," she continues.

"Katniss stop. I won't win, and deep down you know that, so stop," I say madly. My mother bends down and gives me a bear hug.

"Good luck, honey. You'll do your best, for me?" she asks sadly.

"I won't win. There are people that have trained for this for years, that practice so that they can volun…"

"Time's up," a peacekeeper interferes.

"I love you Primrose, and I always will," she says, a single tear finding it's path down her cheek.

"I love you too, never forget me," I sob.

"Never," my mother cries.

"I won't say goodbye, cause I'll se you again. Remember that I love you and that you can't leave me," Katniss says while giving me another hug. And that's the last thing I hear her say before she exits the room. But she knows that I won't win, we all know that.

Gale comes too. No one else dares. But he's more realistic than Katniss, luckily. He knows I won't get through the games, he just came to wish me the best possible death. I'm so happy Gale comes. I just sit in his arms and cry. I don't have to be strong for him. He won't tell Katniss how broken I am so it doesn't matter.

As I realize that times almost up I finally speak up.

"Make sure Katniss gets through this," I say.

"Of course," he says. "There's nothing else in my interest, well I'd like you to come home of course, but you understand."

"Yes I do. I know I'll never be able to see this place again, or you, or Katniss, or mother, or any part of District 12, or the birds, or Buttercup." Buttercup! I've been so selfish I totally forgot about Buttercup.

"Tell her to keep Buttercup and feed him, for me," I say.

"You're on your road to death and you're thinking about your cat?" he asks partly amused, but her tries to stay serious for my sake.

"Yes, and Katniss and you," I say.

"Katniss and I?" he asks doubtfully.

"Marry her, get kids," I say. "Or forget the part about kids, Katniss doesn't want kids."

"You are one weird kid, you know that, right?" he says. And now I just nod. He opens his fist. I hadn't noticed him clutching his fist all along. He takes a silver bracelet.

"It was mom's she told me to give it to you. As an apology for not coming because of the kids and she wanted to go check on your mom."

"I can't accept this," I say.

"Sure you can, besides when you die we can just take it back," he jokes. Or at least I think that it's a joke.

"That's possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever heard anyone say," I state.

"Times up," the same peacekeeper as earlier interrupts.

"Remember all the people that love you," he says as I get of his lap.

"Thank you for giving me your shoulder to cry on," I say honestly. I'm very grateful for him coming and it really helped.

"It was my pleasure, I'll always remember you," he says while walking out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

I guess all I want right now is to sit down and cry. But I don't want to appear weaker than I already have. I know I won't stand a chance, but I'll at least do my best to be remembered on forehand.

I won't go down with a fight. I'll run off in the forest (if there is a forest), or deep in the meadow, or anywhere else I can hide. And I'll hide until someone finds me and kills me, that is, of course if I survive the bloodbath. Which is not certain I will.

I guess it sounds impressive, having your entire life planned and especially when you're only 12, but it's not going to be a very long life. Well I guess I'll have to get the best out of it, get some allies possibly. Who am I kidding, who would want to be my ally?

I don't see the point in riding each our car to the train station. First of all it's a couple of hundred meters away from the Justice Building. And second, we all get our own car with a driver, why can't we just sit in one? There's more than enough room.

The train's ready to leave as we arrive at the train station. When I leave the camera I can see 5 different cameras focused on me.

The closest door on the train opens and I enter along with Peeta, Effie and Haymitch. The room's been wonderfully decorated and there are rows of tables filled with food. All the food looking tasty and amazing, but I can't say I have much of an appetite today. There's a boy and girl waiting next to the tables, presumably waiting to serve us. I don't like that, how they use people like that. I bet the Capitol citizens haven't even considered how it would be to be in someone less fortunate's shoes.

"I'm starving, anyone else want food?" Effie asks politely.

"Um, can we see our rooms and get some time to ourselves before joining you?" I reply.

"Well certainly, I'll show you the way." She pulls out a map to check which rooms we are staying in. She turns to Peeta and points toward a long aisle of doors.

"You see the third door on the left? That's yours," she continues. Peeta nods before walking in that direction.

"And you sweetie, have the fifth door on the right," she explains, and points in the same direction as she had with Peeta.

"Thanks," I say, but I'm not sure she hears me.

I enter the door, to find that my room is huge. The room's bigger than my house. There's a bathroom belonging to the room, and it's an off-white color. There's a shower and a bathtub, I plan to use both during my stay. The bed is enormous, there would've been enough space for five of me. After such a busy day, I look forward to crashing in it.

After a few minutes someone knocks on the door.

"Come in," I say.

Effie steps in wondering if I want dinner, but I pass.

I see the television, and after several attempts I manage to turn it on. They're just about to air the recap of the reapings.

As always they start with District 1. The girl there is amazingly beautiful with her long blonde hair, and green piercing eyes. Her body is beautiful, just like boys would like. The boy looks pretty much the same, but he doesn't seem that special

From District 2 a girl named Reyna is called, but is quickly replaced by a volunteer. The girl has a vicious glare, and she says she looks forward to the games. The boy is also a volunteer, he has dirty blonde hair, and a worse glare, and he seems to be thirsting for blood.

None of the other's get much of my attention, there's a fox-looking girl named Emelia from District 5, and a boy from district 7 with quite feminine clothes.

And then there's District 11, a twelve-year-old girl is called up. Her skin is quite dark, and she has curly brown hair. Her brown eyes seem terrified, but she obediently walks up to the stage. I feel so sorry for her, maybe worse than I do for myself. I feel like I can see all the emotions I had today in her eyes: the sadness, the tiniest but of joy to think of all I will experience, but mainly fear. Her name is Rue, just like the little yellow flower, the one next to the meadow. Rue and Primrose, two flowers.

The boy from District 11 is called up. He looks confident, except for the fear you can see in his eyes. He looks like a bigger and a male version of Rue. They have the same skin color, hair color, and eye color they could've passed for cousins, maybe even sister and brother.

Finally District 12, I hear my name called, and I can see the camera's slowly finding me in the crowd. I can see my pale skin, become even paler. I see myself walk up to the stage. I see the fear in my eyes, I see the tears threatening to come, but me forcing them down.

I hear Peeta called, I see him walk up to the stage, just as sad as he was earlier today. And I can see that, just like Rue and the District 11 boy, we could pass for cousins. We have the same color, the same blue eyes, and the same hurting stare. We do actually look quite alike.

But I don't spend to much time admiring us, the two "cousins". I'm so tired and sad, that I just strip off my skirt and pull off my top, and just jump into bed in my undergarments. And after such a busy day I fall asleep immediately.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up by a loud knock on my door, and Effie telling me to get up for a big, big day. I carefully slip out of bed, and head for the bathroom. I slip off my undergarments and head into the shower.

I press a few buttons, and at first the water is way to warm, and my skin becomes a light pink tone. I press a few more buttons and wait for the water to become just the right heat.

There are lots of towels hanging on a rack on one of the walls at the bathroom. I dry myself, before finding a hairbrush and combing through my hair.

I manage to get some clothes through the wall and some buttons. I took on a white button-up blouse, and a pair of dark blue jeans.

I walk to the room we'd been told to walk to for breakfast and other meals. Effie and Peeta are both there, chatting quietly.

"Primrose, how wonderful. What would you like for breakfast? Well serve yourself," Effie said.

The tables from yesterday are filled with different food than yesterday. I wonder what they've done with all the food we didn't eat yesterday. Throw it? Everything on the tables look delicious, and I have no idea where to start. Peeta comes up and grabs a couple buns, and a warm light brown drink. Peeta catches me looking at him, and I motion questionably at the drink.

"They call it hot chocolate. It's really good," he explains. I fill my own cup of it, and fill a bowl with cereal. As I'm about to sit down at the table I accidentally spill some cereal. I lean down to clean it up, but a girl comes quickly over and replaces me. For a brief second I make eye contact with her, and I see misery in her eyes. Her hair is a gorgeous red color.

I'm about to tell the girl that I've got it, and I'll clean up after myself, but Effie shrieks.

"Get up immediately. That isn't your job. Let the avox clean up and then," she makes eye contact with the redhead. "You can go get me a proper cup of coffee"

The girl nods obediently, but doesn't say a word. I'm about to protest on the way Effie's treating her, but I realize that the girl will probably just get in trouble.

I look at Peeta and see that he's just as shocked as me. I guess he doesn't like it that way either.

I look down at my bowl of cereal. I've lost my appetite, but I know I could use some food, so I finish it. I head back to my room. I walk while watching my feet, when suddenly a girl's voice asks me.

"Sorry I'm lost, do you know where the District 11 wagon is?" she wonders.

I look up to find her, the District 11 girl, Rue.

"Oh you're not a worker, you're Primrose, right?" she asks. I nod.

"And you're Rue, from District 11," I add. She seems surprised that I know who she is.

"That's me," she says. "So I guess I should congratulate you on getting reaped," she jokes.

"Likewise. Such an honor, right?" I laugh.

"Indeed," she says.

We stand there laughing awkwardly for a while.

"I should go. I'm not supposed to be here. I'll see you later," she says and starts walking toward the District 12's eating launch.

I interrupt by coughing two loud coughs and point the other direction.

"I knew that," she jokes turning on her heel.

I go to bed just after supper. I draw the curtains, since it's still light outside. I jump onto the bed. I look back at District 12. I see my mother and Katniss eating supper in silence.

I see the road to school. I look back at the times when Katniss and I walked to school together. I think of how we'd stop and admire the nicely decorated cakes in the baker's window. During dinner, Peeta told me that he was the one that decorated them.

I remember the evening before the Reaping, when Katniss had to calm me down by singing lullabies. She sang my favorite called: Deep in the meadow. She'd sung the song in her beautiful voice. I attempt to remember the entire lyrics.

Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your eyes

And when they open, the sun will rise

Here it's safe, and here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away

A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray

Forget your woes, and let your troubles lay

And when it's morning, they'll wash away

Here it's safe, and here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you.

"I love you too," I whisper to her, but I know she can't hear me.


	4. Chapter 4

"Time to wake up for a new big, big day," Effie cheers from the door.

I get out of bed, and jump into the shower, just like yesterday. This time I get it the perfect heat at first try.

I strip on jeans, just like the one I wore yesterday and a blue blouse.

When I enter the dining room, I find Peeta sitting alone.

"Where is Effie?" I ask.

"I don't know, she left suddenly," he explains.

"That's peculiar," I comment.

"Did you just say peculiar?" he asks.

"Is there something wrong about that?" I wonder.

"No, it's just a long time since I've heard someone say it."

I grab a plate and fill it with cereal and milk and head to the table, but this time I don't spill everything on the carpet. Peeta looks at me, smiling.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask.

"Do you sing as good as your sister?" he asks.

"I don't think so, I never sing," I explain.

"Oh," he looks down. The way he's been looking at me with pity, like he was disappointed it was me and not someone else whom was reaped.

"Why did you seem extra sad that it was I that was reaped and not someone else?" I ask. I don't want to ask, but I'm just so curious.

"Did I?" he looks at me mischievously. It suddenly occurs to me, that it's not me he cares about, but some person that cares about me. It has to be Katniss, or it could be Gale, but that would seem quite awkward.

"You're in love with Katniss!" I exclaim. It comes out louder than I wanted to, but he just nods.

"How long?" I ask. I know I should shut up, but this is the best news I've heard for days.

"Since first day of school. She had braids, and she sang the national anthem in front of the class. When she sang the birds outside stopped, I swear," he tells.

"That's too bad. Why haven't you told her?" I ask though I understand him. It's not exactly the thing you do at the age of seventeen.

"I just never found the right time. Besides I don't even know her," he says.

"I do…" I say smugly and start telling lots of embarrassing stories about her. I know my sister wouldn't be happy about me telling them, but it wouldn't matter, because we'd be dead in a week anyway.

"We're almost in Capitol," Effie comes tripping in. Haymitch comes in behind her. He hasn't been showing too much since the Reaping. I didn't notice him at the Reaping either. I guess he's had a hangover. I saw him yesterday at supper, but he didn't talk much unless someone spoke directly to him.

"So put on a smile," she fixed me a happy look. I smile my best smile back to her. Peeta grins too.

The city that comes into view is huge, and modern. I thought the train was modern, but it's nothing next to this. People turn their heads when they see our train, some even wave. They're clothes look very uncomfortable, and everything has very bright colors. When we pull into the train station there's a huge crowd, that I can't even see the end of, waiting to see the tributes, or I assume that's why they're here. I grab Peeta's hand and I lead him to the window, where we wave and smile, and the audience cheers. It's funny how little we must do to make them happy.

"This way," Effie leads us to the doors. The doors open and when Peeta and I go out the audience screams in what I believe is joy.

"Come with us," three crazy looking Capitol citizens tell me. I look at Effie questionably and she nods. I let them pull me into a car and we head for the prep center where they'll make me look pretty.

"See that wasn't so bad," Venia says as she rips of the last strip of hair on my body. Her aqua hair is pulled back in a stylish ponytail so that you can see the golden tattoos on her forehead.

"So what do you think?" she asks. I start to reply that my body is numb and I can't feel anything, but quickly realize she wasn't asking me.

"Wow she's quite cute without all that mud, dirt and hair." Flavius stops working on my nails and looks up.

"Now we just have to finish her nails," he says flipping his orange-corkscrewed curls.

"And the hair," Octavia shrieks from behind me, filling my hair with some awkward goo matching her light green skin.

When they're done with all of that they put me in a tub filled with some sticky substance. Then they wash me with what I believe is just clean water, but when it comes to the prep team I have no idea what they might be giving me.

In the end they make me stand completely naked, while they walk around and survey me.

"I guess you're ready for Cinna," Flavius suggests, applying a new coat of purple lipstick.

They all leave the room, and I take on the light-blue robe they left with me and wait for this Cinna to come.

"So you're the wonderful Primrose," I hear a voice behind me. I turn to find an attractive young man looking at me.

"I'm Cinna, it'll be an honor to make you look your best," he says politely.

I wait for him to ask me to remove my robe, but he doesn't. He probably trusts his prep team that everything looks right.

"If you please follow." He leads me through a door leading to a living room with two couches and a table between them.

"Take a seat," he gestures toward one of the couches.

I sit down. And look at him expectantly. I wonder what he wants to talk about.

"I'm truly sorry that this has happened to you," he says. Well that was unexpected. What do you reply to that?

"The hunger games, I mean," he says sensing my discomfort.

"Oh," I shift awkwardly still unsure what to say.

"They're so stupid, making children kill each other in cold blood," he continues.

"They are stupid," I agree. He looks at me, surprised that I'm talking. I realize that the only things I've said so far have been _oh _and _they are stupid._

"How distasteful we must seem to you," this really catches me by surprise. I do agree they seem very unpleasant, but I never would've said it out loud.

"Throwing around food like it's worthless. Using the district's to cover our `needs´."

"Yeah you are kind of unpleasant," I say mockingly, and he sees that I want to change the subject.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" he asks. "Anything you want to get out your mind?"

"I guess I just miss my family," I say.

"I guess your family misses you too," he says.

"And my sister she feels guilty for not volunteering, but I don't want her to feel guilty. If she would've gone away, I would've died of starvation anyway," I say.

"Wouldn't your mother and father have fed you?" he asks startled.

"My father's dead." He looks horrified. "He died years ago, I hardly remember him, but ever since his death my mother hasn't been the same." He nods as if he understands this.

"And if you die she probably won't cope," he guesses.

"It's more of a when than if," I reply.

"Don't say that," he says sad.

"I'll never be a proper competitor in these games," I say loudly.

"Never say never," he says. "I know I'll do my best to help you win."

I think he knows it too, I can't win, but I just nod. There's no point in convincing him that his work will go to waste. So I just sit their and drink the water standing on the table.


	5. Chapter 5

"The fire is perfectly safe. We've done lots of experiments with it, and it's truly not harmful," Cinna explains.  
"I trust you," I said. Even though the idea of safe fire sounded absurd I trusted Cinna because he sounded so certain.

"You think we'll burn to ashes?" Peeta comes up behind me.  
"No. For some reason I think they know what they're doing," I say.  
"You put a lot of trust in strangers," he notices.  
"I put a lot of trust in everyone," I reply. I knew I shouldn't be telling my weaknesses to my competitors, but seriously, it's not like I have a chance to win these games.  
He smiles a fake smile, an attempt to turn the conversation to a more fun topic. He can probably see where the conversation was going.

-

Cinna brings a torch lit on fire.  
"The fire's completely safe, you shouldn't feel a thing." Shouldn't! Well that's reassuring.  
"I'll rip off your cape if you rip off mine." Peeta leans down and whispers in my ear.  
I see Rue staring at me questionably and I smile to her, so she smiles back.

"Deal," I reply to Peeta.

Portia motions to the golden chariot, and we climb aboard.  
A loud countdown from 10 starts and Cinna sets us on fire at three. The double doors open and the chariots start leaving. I wait to smell the burnt flesh on my body, but it's not coming, nor is there any pain, just a little tickle.  
I wobble as our chariot gets to a move, but Peeta steadies me. I thank him, and he just smiles.  
As we get closer to the double doors the crowd just seems to get louder and louder. And at last when we pass the doors the crowd yells louder than before, they stand and scream Peeta and my name.  
I catch myself on a large screen. I look so surprised that it terrifies me. I reach my hand out and take a hold of Peeta. He willingly takes my hand in his, and we raise them in the air. And the yells get louder, way louder. They throw flowers as we pass, mainly roses.

We pull up to at the squareThe chariots line up in a half circle. And on a huge screen the camera's moved around from tribute to tribute. And in the twilight we got clearer and clearer, as it got darker and darker.  
The screen images changed and President Snow appeared on them all.  
"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor!" he smiles. I don't like the way he's smiling and acting so enthusiastic. It's one thing when all these dumb Capitol citizens act that way, but Snow must be smart or he wouldn't be president. He knows what he's doing. He knows he's about to send innocent children to fight for their life.  
The screen changes and the propaganda movie plays. We see the ruins of District 13 and how it was ruined. As the film comes to an end the president starts talking as the movie comes to an end. They film the tributes, but you can hardly see the others next to us. Now that it's dark it's impossible not to see us.  
"Good Luck, Tributes!" the president smiles. The District 1 starts heading toward the Justice Building, followed by District 2, then District 3 and so on.


End file.
